Category Archives: Dating

One of those God weekends

Have you ever felt that life has been so busy that it is spinning out of control? At that point it almost becomes surreal and, you have to relinquish control  and you just have to literally take things moment by moment? Life has been like that lately for me. If not God, who would I be relinquishing control to I wonder? Good thing I have HIM!

A week ago, I had to go to Vancouver for some medical tests. The concept wasn’t so bad as I really love Vancouver. I was going alone, staying in a hotel (luxury in itself!) and would have some time to hit my most favourite spots: Chapters bookstore, Granville Island and Robson Street. It would be a bonus to eat some really great sushi! I had planned on spending some time in these areas to do some writing as well. For some reason I am super-inspired to write my novel in trendy coffee shops. I guess I thrive on the creative energy around me….BUT, this was a medical trip and so it was not all fun. However, it was fine…a little hard it parts, but I enjoyed the enjoyable parts and dealt with the rest. After my return home, I had one day to recover and then I was off again to Prince George to a wedding of my good friends, son.

The wedding is what I wanted to talk about. My friend Barbara, is an amazing woman of God. She has raised 6 children from tween years on alone (but not really as if you ask her….she has raised them dependantly on the Lord). Those years were not always easy for her despite that she had amazing kids. She prayed and believed for each one of her children that God would bring them their husband/wife. She never compromised in what God was showing her. She held high standards and never wavered. She maintained wonderful communication with her teen and young adult children. She was my go-to person when I was struggling. She has prayed me through some hard times. She was never too busy for me when I would call or just show up at her door. I wanted to be there to share in the joy of her only son being married.

Originally the plans were that my youngest son, Jonah was going to accompany me. My older two children were at a grad out-of-town. Jonah ended up being hired as a casual Jr. Lifeguard at our local outdoor pool so and now he could not accompany me.  My hubby needed to put in extra hours at work to prepare for leaving on our month vacation….(which happens in 6 days. )This was not a good time for me to be leaving again, however I felt strongly that I was to be at this wedding. I was tired from my Vancouver trip and frankly the idea of getting into my car and driving 6 hours alone overwhelmed me.

I woke up that morning and grabbed some great praise and worship CD’s (my kid’s music actually….don’t knock Christian music til you try it!..some pretty upbeat rocking stuff….) was Armed with a fresh ground cup of coffee-to-go,I  set off for my road trip.

It was a beautiful day and the pine pass is spectacular this time of year. I played my music, sang on the top of my lungs, prayed, thanked God for all my blessings and by the time I got there I felt energized! “God time” in the car…..

I went the day before the wedding and reconnected with old friends. It was a sweet time. Sam, the groom is an amazing young Godly young man who has patiently waited on God for to bring him his wife. Blessy, a Godly young woman was a lovely bride. Their love for each other and their love for Jesus shined that day.

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I was so blessed to be seated beside my friend, the mother of the groom. Sam was the last of her children to be married. Each of her beautiful daughters had married the men their mother had been praying for since birth. They all got up to say a few words to Sam and Blessy and I marvelled at how lovely each one of them were. Not only physically lovely as they all were but the love of Jesus literally radiated from all of them.

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Many other little God moments happened on this trip….too much to tell because I really have a million things to do before this family vacation! I reconnected with 3 wonderful friends that are the type of friends where you don’t need to speak to them or see them for a really long time, and you can pick up where you left off. The type of friend where it feels like you saw them yesterday. I am so grateful for these women in my life!

Thank you Lord for allowing me to be a part of this special weekend and giving me the energy to get there.

Sam and Blessy

Sam and Blessy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Thoughts on Dating – By Daymon (age 14)

Hi everyone, I know we have moved onto the topic of modesty but here is another post by a young man on his thoughts on dating. Make sure to watch his recommended YouTube link as well! ~ Loretta

 Dating, in my opinion, is when a young boy and a young girl are in a certain kind of relationship for a prolonged period of time that will most likely end in sorrow and despair. It will cause stress on their lives and it will cause unwanted drama. It messes with priorities and it will mess with their minds. People think it’s cute or that it’s a sign of maturing, but the fact is, if they aren’t mature enough to handle and nourish a relationship of this sort yet than they aren’t ready. Even if they can prove that they can keep a relationship, will they last long enough to get married? Are they really actually in love? Many kids now can go through 8-10 relationships per year. It makes you think, are they dating because they can, or are they actually in love and the other is not? Which again will cause it to end in sorrow and despair. So my opinion on dating is if you want to stay clean physically and spiritually and lead a good life that will bring you joy and happiness, date to marry, don’t date just to date.

This is my personal opinion, and if you want to you should look up a song called “Take it easy” by Beautiful Eulogy.  Cut and paste this link into your browser:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uInXR_Aocxc

 

 

My Thoughts on Dating – by Jenessa (age 17)

Loretta here….I have known Jenessa since she was five years old. She has grown into a very wise young woman. Here are her thoughts on dating:

OFF LIMITS!
My Thoughts on Dating!

By Jenessa Joy  (age 17)

Dating has always been off limits for me. There are many reasons for this: I grew up in a Christian Family that raised me, and told me I wasn’t allowed to date until a certain age. (If I’m being completely honest, I really didn’t have any interest in dating anyone anyways!) I also grew up with the knowledge of how I came into existence.  A few weeks short of 18 years ago, I was born to a couple of teenagers who were far to young to raise me, and then gave me up to adoption. The knowledge of my birth, made me realize how special purity is, and how much I did NOT want to make my birthparents mistakes.

I grew up seeing how special relationships are. Not only romantic ones, I saw how fragile our hearts are, I felt feelings, I saw intensity. Whether it was seeing my cousins heart get broken, or my feelings hurt from my brothers, or being extremely happy on Christmas morning, I realized that feelings are crazy. I grew up with an acute awareness for matters of the heart. I was always a little girl who was sensitive to the core about everything. And I really do mean EVERYTHING.

How does this tie in with dating? Something that we all realize with time is that relationships (of any kind!) are a lot of things. They are special. You don’t want to dumb that down, and fall into a trap of thinking that they’re “no big deal”.  Our hearts are fragile. I don’t want to break a thousand hearts, and I don’t want my heart broken a thousand times, so be sensitive, and careful…in all relationships.

Relationships are scary. They are hard. They are WORK. They are fun. They are sometimes frustrating. They are wonderful. They are terrifying. Amazing. Incredible. Terrible. Awesome. Complicated! All in one very confusing package.

As we go through life we experience so very many different relationships. Ones with our parents, brothers, sisters, friends, crushes,  enemies, frienemys, etc. etc. And eventually you’ll have romantic ones too.

Romantic relationships are tricky, because you want them to be special, you want them to have meaning, and eventually they will (hopefully) lead to marriage. Now, when I was younger I was absolutely set in the decision that you had to be a certain age in order to date. You absolutely HAD to be at least this age, as if at that age you would magically be smart and perfect at relationships, and that’d you have it ALL TOGETHER!

Boy, was I ever wrong.

There is no magical age where you all of sudden are mature enough to handle a relationship…I’ve seen people handle relationships in dating really well at 17, and I’ve seen people who have trouble with it in there 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, (etc.).

With that said, I don’t believe that you should start dating when you are 10, 11, 12, 13, 14…or any age that you cannot seriously handle a relationship. If you can’t drive, and your main concern about getting a boyfriend or girlfriend is because “everyone else has one” you are not mature enough for a relationship. If you only want a boyfriend or girlfriend because they’re “cute” you probably aren’t mature enough for a relationship. If you want a boyfriend or girlfriend because it’d be “fun”, you probably aren’t mature enough for a relationship.

Now: my question for you is this: “what would a relationship mean to you? What is the purpose for your relationship?” We have already established that relationships are work, they are hard, complicated, fun, etc. etc. But what are they for? A relationship with God, our part in that is to glorify him and enjoy Him forever. A relationship with your parents, is a parent-child relationship, the parents are there to raise and teach you. Friendship is so you can grow with someone, you can have comradeship, that you have someone to share with. A sibling relationship is so that you can annoy each other to no end.  (Whoops! Did I really write that down?) But what is a romantic relationship for? A romantic relationship is not for fun, or because you think the person is cute. A romantic relationship is to getting to know someone on another level, to find out if you are truly meant for each other. If you aren’t ready for that sort of commitment, dating right now might not be the best idea.

And when you are ready for that relationship, when you’re in that relationship… remember to set boundaries. Draw the line, and don’t cross over them…when in doubt: less is more.
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22

I believe there’s someone out there for you.  I just think you have to be patient in finding them. Don’t date every guy/girl who expresses interest, pray for that special girl/guy, and wait. (I also would like to remind you that a good foundation of friendship, and having a healthy strong relationship with God is the best way to start a romantic relationship with someone.) When it’s the right time God will bring the right person to you, and in the meantime, enjoy being single! Being single is a gift, whether you see it that way or not.

That’s all I have to say for now…can you believe this was written by a 17 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend? That’s right!

May God Bless and Guide you always!

Blessings, Smiles,
Prayers, and Music!

JENESSA JOY

My Thoughts on Dating – By Kersten (age 17)

My thoughts on dating (Really it all comes back to God) Kersten (age 17)

~Genesis 2:18 “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Honestly, most of my life, dating was never really a topic on my mind. I knew I wasn’t allowed until I was 16 and I never really cared about it until around that age anyway. But when I did start to get older (14-15 years old…ish) it became more and more a thing in the people around me, and their relationships also affect me. For as long as I can remember I was told that dating is not something that you just do for fun. It is a way of getting to know someone who means a lot to you and who you think could potentially end up being the person you marry. That is not what I was seeing in most of my friends, though, and I cannot say I have always listened to that either. I was in a relationship and while it was very sweet, I knew I would not end up marrying him, but we dated anyway. I can’t say I regret that relationship; I learned from it and I never compromised myself or my faith during the time. He knew I was a Christian and where I stood and he was ok with it. It did end, though. I think that is what happens when you date not thinking about the ending. It is so easy to “live in the moment”. Sometimes it is even good to do that, but not when you are thinking about dating or going into a relationship. You want to know that you are compatible and that God will be at the center. His love is really the only thing that can hold up a relationship.

~2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

God says that we are not to fall for the desires or lusts of the flesh, but to seek righteousness, faith, love, and peace. I think that before you consider dating someone you should first focus on your relationship with God. Make sure you are totally committed to Him and willing to follow His leads no matter what. Get to the place where you’re in love with Him and know that he is the one who you will always be chasing after. You want to be crazy for him. He is the one who made you, after all. He is the one who has your whole life in His hands and He knows exactly who you are supposed to be with. So trust Him. He loves us, like more than we can ever fully grasp. He wants what is best for us and if we let Him lead us, He will not lead us to less. So I believe that before you enter a dating relationship you should seek Him and pray about it. I think as Christians we need to remember that we are God’s. He lives in us.

1 Corinthians 6:15 says, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ Himself?”

It can be hard to remember that sometimes. But I think that if we do, we can find a love and a peace that overcomes everything else. And I do believe that is a very important thing to find before you go looking for it in others. We are human, we will disappoint each other, but if we have God’s love in us it will give us the strength to work through it and not feel totally dependent on another.

Ok let’s be honest, this world is one crazy place. We are showered in so many different ideas about what dating is about and how it is like a big game. The lies we are fed are totally insane. “People do it all the time”, “It is no big deal”, or “it doesn’t matter how many relationships you are in. We are young; now is the time to experiment”. Living in a world that teaches that, can make it hard to keep sight of what God has planned for you. But He has the best plans for us.

~Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

So we need to lean on Him and let Him lead us into our relationships. He should be at the center of our hearts. Like the quote that was posted on facebook: “Run as fast as you can towards God and if you meet someone who can keep up, introduce yourselves”. (I may not have it exactly right but you get the idea.)

~ Psalm 119:9 “How can a young man/woman keep his/her way pure? By living according to your word.”

~John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I believe that it is ok to date and I don’t think it is bad to date more than one person in your lifetime. If you think about it, not many people find Mr/Mrs Right in their first relationship. I don’t think God gets upset when we have more than one relationship. But I do think it breaks His heart when He sees us compromise ourselves and our faith on something or someone who may not even last.

~1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.”

So before dating, try getting to know the person. Make sure they hold the same values as you. Make sure you can help build each other up and not tear one another down. Make sure you have the same limits and boundaries. And find someone to keep you accountable.

Proverbs 15:22 “Plans fail without counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

God wants us to find love. He wants us to surround ourselves with people who will help us and who we can help. He wants us to be happy. Most of all, He wants our hearts to be soft towards Him so He can shape us into the people He has planned us to be. He wants us to keep Him at the very center of our lives in every aspect, including dating, so He can lead us and give us the wisdom to battle, the challenges we will face with strength, and a Christ-like love.

~Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

~Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can pick him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. Also, if two lie down together they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

My thoughts on Dating – by Danielle (age 18)

-Thoughts on dating-

My thoughts on dating have been shaped by my parents and other important people in my life. I grew up in a Christian home and the rules on dating were quite strict. From the beginning I knew that dating wasn’t meant to be a casual thing where you went from guy to guy. I knew that my heart was meant for one person and that I should guard it until that guy came along. I always believed that you shouldn’t date someone if you think that there is no way you would get married. Dating should be something that helps you get to know someone and prepare you for marriage. It shouldn’t something you do just because the world thinks you need a boyfriend.

I think that the first thing you have to do before you start dating is to make sure your relationship with God comes first. Having a relationship with God definitely made it easier on me. I spent many nights praying and asking Gods plan for me before I started dating. 🙂 I know God has a plan set out for you and he knows everything about your future including who you are going to spend the rest of your life with. He wants to be part of that relationship if you will let him.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I think we all need help and advice from someone before we date or court. When I first thought I was ready to date I went to God and my parents for guidance. I remember when I developed a crush on my future boyfriend, I thought I was so ready to date and he was all I could talk about. I fell head over heels for him so my dad had to sit me down and tell me that I needed to slow down and pray about it because I was too young to date. I struggled with it for a while but it gave me a chance to really get to know the guy and become really good friends with him before we actually started dating. I think that definitely made our relationship stronger in the long run and I’m thankful that I can talk to my parents about dating and relationships.

Proverbs 15:22
Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.

It is very important to make sure you and the person you are interested in have the same values. If you are hanging around guys that are clearly a bad influence and don’t have the same values as you GET OUT! God tells us that we shouldn’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers so dating a guy that doesn’t have a personal relationship with God can take a great toll on your heart. I know Christian friends and family that have dated non Christians and almost every one of those relationships have ended badly. Your heart is far to precious to be broken 🙂

1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

A lot of the teenagers I know in this town jump from relationship to relationship, going “all the way” without even knowing much about the person they are giving themselves to. They talk about sex as a casual thing that you just do if you think you have been dating long enough, but it is meant to be something only shared between man and wife. Too many people think it’s ok to sleep with someone before they are married but it really does damage your heart and leaves baggage that will take a lot of time to heal and get rid of. So set boundaries and make sure the person you’re dating agrees to them ( no closed doors, only date in public or groups etc.)

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

2 Timothy 2:22
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

All and all I don’t agree with the worldly way of dating. Dating whoever you want at that moment will break your heart. Although I do believe that if you do it the way God would want you to that dating can be a great thing 🙂

My thoughts on Dating – by Carlee (age 16)

“A love came to me that I never thought could…
Because I did something I nearly died to do…
I believed in that love that was unbelievable,
And it led me to a love that was.”
-Unknown

I don’t really know how to share my heart with you. It’s hard to take what I know and put it into the form of an opinion, because an opinion is just mine. I want what I know to be what everyone knows.
I don’t have a story of what I did right or what I did wrong. I can’t give you examples of amazing or terrible dating experiences in my own life. But I can tell you what I know.

God didn’t create dating, he created marriage. He created love and beauty and purity. Not to say by any means that dating is wrong, but dating should be a prologue to marriage. A beginning. A prelude.

I do believe in dating with the intention of marriage. I think it is great to really consider if the person you become in a relationship with might become your future you know what (I hate the word spouse, it reminds me of a potato). If your answer is ‘probably not’ or a straight-up ‘no’, then you have absolutely no right to play with that persons feelings (or your own) if it’s inevitably going to lead to heartbreak and regrets. If your answer is probably or yes, then do it and do with the following things in mind:

1)      Don’t skip the friend part. How can you expect a relationship to work out if you don’t know each other backwards and forwards beforehand? Nobody can honestly say “I thought he was the One!” when they didn’t know that persons dreams for their future, their passions, their ideas and what inspires them. I know lots of people do it this way and yeah, it pulls through sometimes because who you’re with turns out to be who you want to be with. It’s just an incredible risk to take.
2)      Have God as the center of your understanding for each other. You have no idea how much it will stink for you to end up with a potato that you can’t pray with. I’ve heard someone say “The way I see it, if you plant a seed, you can make a beautiful flower. No matter what happens from now on with our relationship, I’ve planted that seed” as a justification for dating a someone who didn’t share the faith that she did. Trust me… some things don’t just happen when you want them too. Sometimes it can take forever and that road is hard.
3)      Put up boundaries that are right for both of you (within reason… there are limits that should apply to everybody). Some people don’t even hold hands until their married. Others have no problem flinging public displays of affection around. What your boundaries are, in that way, should be up to you and God. Just don’t forget that God created us to be pure right down to our hearts.

God does have somebody right for us if we agree to be patient. No matter what, people will always make mistakes, argue, and sometimes get hurt. A mistake I think a lot of people make is thinking that God has someone perfect waiting around for us to become mature enough. That’s not true because God does not have a perfect one, nobody is perfect. He has a right one. They’re not going to wait around forever and they’re not always going to be ready right when you want them, either. That’s why it’s so important to wait on God’s timing, because he is the only one who can see the big picture. (Imagine what it would be like for pieces of a puzzle to have to put itself together without the help of a bigger person with a view of everything. It just wouldn’t work, and pieces would fall off the table, get missed and get lost).

My dating philosophy is this: focus on the biggest love in life that you know will be around forever (the unbelievable love; God’s love) and he’ll lead you to that smaller humanly love when you’re both ready.

-“Run as fast as you can towards God, and if anybody keeps up, introduce yourself!”

Carlee – age 16

Dating discussion thoughts by Loretta

I just want to say how amazing I think these kids are that are brave enough to write a post on their thoughts on dating! All the posts seem to have one thing in common…..they are all seeking God on the subject.

Yesterday, a friend of mine who knew me as a new believer, when Maxx was a baby, (18 years ago!) remembered that I was asking her about scriptures about moral purity back then. It must have been in my heart to raise my kids against the grain of the world. I mean we ALL want to raise are kids in the best way we know how, but to raise them with biblical standards is not seen so much. 18 years ago the bible truly became God’s Word for me. It became truth to me, my handbook for life. I tried to live my way, sought to find God in many different ways. Nothing worked or brought me peace. I gave pieces of my heart away that were meant for God and for my husband. I did not want that for my children.

The bible teaches us too that are bodies are the “temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor 6:19) and not meant for sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:13)  Today, it is acceptable to “go out” with someone at a very young age. It is the norm actually. The world accepts it as a fact that kids will be sexually active so they teach safe sex (because they care.) But it is even more than the sexual immorality part. God wants our heart. He wants are hearts and minds to be pure because He longs to commune with us. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is praiseworthy –think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9). I definitely want the peace of God for me and my family! Most of the world does not regard dating as an avenue to marriage. It is just something kids do lots, for a long time, before they get married.

I know I have asked my kids to walk a walk that I never did myself. My mother, tried to advise me to keep myself pure for my husband but I rebelled. It brought sadness into my life but God has redeemed me and blessed me and uses everything for good. I can raise my children in the Lord, teach them the Word of God, homeschool them, pray with them and for them and then release them to God to make their own choices. We fight the good fight on our knees and God will never leave us of forsake us of forsake our kids.

These kids writing in their thoughts on dating live in the world among those pressures. They are not all homeschooled and the ones that are homeschooled are still very active socially amongst peers their age in the community. They do not all live in this town. They have the pressures of the norms of the world all around them, every day. But they are taking a stand. They are seeking God’s plan for their, dating and ultimately their spouses. I applaud them and bless them and thank them for being so gracious to add to this blog.

I think there are a few more posts coming in on “My Thoughts on Dating”. Some need a bit more time to really look into their hearts and seek God about what they are going to write. I will keep posting as them come in. Some of you have commented on the posts and the kids have started commenting on each other’s posts. This encourages them so if you feel led to leave a comment or read the comments, just click on “reply” above the post.